After last night, I could never be a politician.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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