god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
