So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
