happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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