I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
