i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
