I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
