So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
