Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
