nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
