I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
