Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
