I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
