Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
