I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think i have two assholes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
