Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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