your parents love me but you hate me
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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