I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
