sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize