FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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