I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
