So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
