i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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