i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
