eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize