areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize