Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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