Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
