yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
