I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
