operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize