you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
