I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
