What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
