I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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