As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
