Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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