Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
