Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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