I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
