Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
