Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize