You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
