There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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