erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
