so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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