That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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