Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
