Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
