I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
