all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
