It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
