In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
