I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And my parents said I crawled through the house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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