so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
