Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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