I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
