real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
