Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize