It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk is not a location!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
