we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
