Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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