Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
