fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
