you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we made out on top of his cat.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
