Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
