the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
