Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
