Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
